Veil System: Running a Model, High-End Escort and Marriage Agency

   QUARTO NÍVEL: É Possível adquirir naturalmente o KI DIVINO, Se conectar com a sua constelação, Recuperação De KI DIVINO.

After these words, an innocent and lonely woman started to cry.

The middle-age stranger laughed aloud, "Indeed I am! A true hero will never change their name…"

V_ OMG did I say your slut? Oh sorry my bad , I mean your lovely girlfriend.

Giving someone's background, or explaining some part of the story or logic are not good things to write as big paragraphs. For these, an easy fix is to start a new paragraph every 3-4 sentences. It may seem trivial, but it makes a significant difference while reading.

"Ah! Benda kecil macam ni... takkan dia nak berkira dengan aku, kot? Sekarang aku kena cari jalan untuk berikan benda ni pada Laila; I bet she'll love this." Amir tersengih sambil memandang tepat ke kotak yang masih berada di tangannya itu; dia cuba melupakan perasaan serba salah yang dirasakannya tadi kerana mengambil barang dari beg adiknya tadi.

talking to a 16 ft tall blue light shaped  like  human s

And all that glitters is gold

It starts strong with a mix of mystery and tension. Arov’s shift from a normal student to an awakened feels intense and gripping. The dream sequence and future vision are chilling. Some parts could use more depth, but it’s a solid start.