Celestial Embers: The Chronicle of Xu Yun

This my first novel in webnovel, I hope you all enjoy

This story is nearly below average in everything. The grammar is abysmal, the characters aren't fleshed out ( but theirs only 25 as im currently writing this review, so it may change), and everything else seems *******ish. And listen guy, it's okay if you want to include dark themes like r@pe into your story but it has to make sense. Why after only 30 minutes of an apocalypse is rape already happening? Literally everyone would  be trying to procure a safe haven and some supplies, nobody would even have the feckin time.The character interactions are cringy and the MC is already acting like an edge boi. Slow your roll man, take a deep breath and replan your story.

The skies began to darken and it looked as if the black clouds that were in the sky started to float downwards. The streets grew dark, even with the streetlights arranged at the side of the road. It looked like a black fog was passing. The light from the lamps couldn't even brighten up more than a few inches around the lamps.

-Yes my lord.

While most of the children have already arrived I can see a little blonde haired kid with spikey hair

"L-Lilly… ?"

"We have a deal. You can keep this for now. I'll be taking it once we are done. Sounds good?"

"Okay you can go now."