The First Store System

Afterwards I put my gym outfit; a tank top with those huge openings underneath the arms, and an oversized jogger.

"I won't stop at any gas station if you don't get out of the car." Namjoon probably saw the confusion on Jin's face so he continued, "How you gonna pee then?"

"hahahaha makasih ya kak buat kejutannya aku suka dan seneng banget kakak masih ingat dengan hari pernikahan kita"

"I knew that you weren't alright… because I care so much about you…"

Setting is interesting, some characters are neat but the story is woefully inconsistent. The author writes things and then either ignores them or forgets about them. This leads to ham fisted plot devices and inconsistent characters.An example: the character describes a useful feature, the feature is automatically activated, and yet as the plot advances you realize it could have only happened in the way it did if the feature didnt work.Characters will say things to other characters but when the plot requires it its like they never did, like that part of their character only exists when necessary.MC also alternates between extremely foolish and unrealistically smart. Hes more concerned with face slapping than development but also thinks bad people will just be nice again.Oh and also, I feel this needs to be said he is very cruel to an innocent woman and I wont say more to spoil that. Its not worth reading beyond free. Author needs to keep track of what he writes about his characters, if he did that he could make full use of an otherwise brilliant setting.

No offense, but I'm going to be honest this time author.You introduces a lot of alternative terminology to enrich the narrative and expand the world-building, and I think that's good. However the problem is, it was way to abrupt for me. This kind of transition may leave some readers feeling disoriented. A more gradual integration of these new terms will be a better way to enhance the reader's immersion and understanding.Example, instead of suddenly introducing unfamiliar words without context, you might consider weaving them into the dialogue or descriptions more organically. This would be a better approach to allow readers to acclimate the new vocabulary, so it'll smooth like a butter to read. Another is, when the man at the first episode, who's name is Lord katsura, decides to call him 'Lucy the silver hammer', it was way too sudden bro. as if he seen a weak kid, abruptly think he smart to understand the situation, and then like, ah, you are a kind of a hero boy, I name you Lucy the silver hammer instead of Lucian. I don't know if the Japanese or Chinese will make it sounds cool, but this is English, it is better for author to follow the context at hand. And, to construct the narrative in a more engaging way is definitely way better than just dumped the info without a preceding the even to build momentum. as a writer myself, I want a critic that served to improve my writing. hope author don't get offended by this, and sorry I kinda busy with my job, so I won't lengthen this whole review. overall, while few thing perhaps need to be improved by the author, the story itself had a significant potential to go far, especially the idea about, Tama: the sacred jewels etc.kyuketsuki: some kind of demon or monster(in chp1) trying to possess the mother. Tama artist and many more. It was a new concept that is intriguing. Do give it a try!?

Pertamax 😎📖🥇 Thanks for the Books!!!!! 😆 📖🍻Oh, nobody have given a review for this yet? Let me be the first to give all five stars for all five categories for your new book 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟 We are all looking forward for the next chapters 🥰📖🍷