- #1
tw: self harm, ptsd, depression, suicidal ideation and behaviorI am incredibly impressed with the delicate balance that the author has managed to strike with their writing in their novel. Rarely have I seen such absolutist and clear rejection of "selfless behavior so self-sacrificing it's clearly selfishness" while walking the same tightrope of empathy and care for those suffering trauma whose self-destructive behaviors are a manifestation in an attempt to control their out-of-control environment.While the title description is terminal illness, the behavior of the MC is more or less eventually exposed as self-harm and active suicidality. At one point, it's revealed Spoiler
that three years prior to the beginning of the series, the MC had over 11, 000 of life force left - that's actually 30 years. MC only begins to spiral on his birthday that year because ML is carrying out a Xanatos Gambit and playing with the MC's feelings, not realizing he was also gambling with MC's life.
[collapse] I was actually shocked that narrative doesn't blame the ML for the MC's behavior and gives MC the autonomy to own his own self-destructive behavior, even though it appropriately identifies that as the consequence of ML's actions.As the narrative allowed the MC to own his choices, it also points out that attempting to love someone and protect them without allowing the other party even the choice to share burdens and make decisions for themselves is a form of selfiness. This is emphasized narratively when the 2nd ML attempts to self-sacrificially save the MC, with another character voicing it was no different than what the MC having done. This is again reinforced by another conversation the MC has with a character later, who points out MC's selfish behavior and also shares the wisdom of: you can say that it's a wrong way to love someone, but you shouldn't decide what other people's feelings are for them.That being said, ML is genuinely an as*hole and hasn't grovelled enough. The end of the main novel cuts off at a weird point, and I'm hoping the extras will tie up those loose ends for us. In the end, I really do see MC and ML as two characters who both love the other selfishly, from two very opposite ends of the spectrum of selfishness.I really appreciated the translator's nuance in their translation, though if I have to see the word 'g**itals' used in a sexy context again, I might have to stab my eyes out.
