Easily the best one of this batch. Simple and fun to read. Basically, the MC got transmigrated, ghost are appearing in this world, he just goes around beating them up. The humor matches the tone of the story. Plot is not giga garbage so far. The only complaint I have is the inconsistent pronouns, but that's the case for every trial read nowadays. Overall, me likey.
You asked for honest feedback, so I have been quite candid in this review. This does not mean I did not enjoy your story, or finds it immensely lacking. I am simply trying to help you progress by giving you some pointers.Firstly, your dialogue comes across as wooden and unnatural. I believe it would help if didn’t put as much exposition in your dialogue.Secondly, there is an absence of rhythm in your writing. I miss a cadence when reading your story. It does not necessarily withhold me from immersing myself, but it would help pull in your reader.Lastly, and this one is more personal, but as a reader I wish for more texture. What are the surroundings like? How is the air? Does it smell? Is it clear? Is the sun blinding to the eyes? I want to feel like I am there with you characters. Give me the cracks in the pavement and the chipped paint of shop signs. Give me the feel of the wind and the smell of spices in the air. That’s what transforms a story from good, to great. And that’s what pulls in your reader.Overall, I believe this story has a lot of potential. It has a clear storyline with good characters, and writing. Well done!
This is going to be an honest review from someone who has read a fair amount of books and novels. To begin with you have a very cliche MC. Typical video game plot and leveling system which isn't necessarily a bad thing. The MC uses about 0% of his brain constantly which leads to lots of plot holes and making the readers angry with his stupid and illogical decisions. The book starts off with ok grammar if you can overlook the misuse of present and past tense as well as constant spelling errors but as it continues the grammar only gets worse. It gets so bad that almost every other sentence looks like a five year old wrote it and it honestly gives me a headache. The plot isn't that bad, its the grammar that needs to be fixed. Please hire someone to fix it.
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I kinda started loving the story after the MC's father was side lined because of his righteous BS and I kinda like the MCs when they have that crazy side to them.Love the story so far🔥✌️
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