for the mean time it's good I dunno what would happen for the next chapters but if they keep with the same pace then I think this would be very interesting, I'm fond for MC and FMC I hope they won't ruin their characters
well somebody tell me it's just me or story is really going fast and also mc is the op type. don't know what to say or to not well whatever hope story gonna be interesting in upcoming chapters
Positive points: Your grammar is good and the sounds of objects breaking or even the sound of the clock is an interesting point in your narrative form.Negative points: The chapters are very short; The story is very fast; It's lack consistency in the narration; The main character, so far, has no depth and no interesting personality; his friendship with Dimitri is strange; and Mr. Golden must die (yes, I hate characters who are mysterious to cause suffering in MC).General Rating: You should pay more attention to the consistency of your story, for example, in the first and second chapter in which you present the main character is not satisfactory, the main character is an empty person, very unreal, being very difficult as a reader identify with this type of character. And the conversation between MC and Mr. Golden is annoying and unreal, I wanted to kill MC in that moment.From what I understand, you're creating a story where MC is an innocent fool to become a powerful and ruthless "man."However, I thought you could work more on the personality of the MC before training, showing a little of your day-to-day and prolonging the training time a bit more. In this case as you have already published the chapters, I make a suggestion, put flash back on the past of the MC, as he was an innocent fool or a fool easily fooled, also help some flash backs training, like a scavenger hunt or even an enemy made in this prison.Another point is that you should better develop the world of your history, for there is nothing to be able to identify in what year the story goes, what are the political powers of this world, what kind of firepower does this The world has, what the geography of the world today ... That kind of thing.I know it's your first story, but I was honest because when I wrote my first story I had no review that put these types of reviews for me, so the story became so chaotic and terrible that I deleted all chapters to reform this story someday.Do not be angry with me for the Review, I'm just being honest, you can even disregard my opinion if you want.
<p>"Good, for a second there, I thought we might end up having our kid destroy the world," Sue said as she laid back on the couch. Without the Symbiote, she was really feeling the weight of the kid.</p>
"Kid, I am sorry if I startled you, it was not my intention, but of what ghosts are you talking about?" The figure asked him in a gentle voice, the shepherd was confused as to why would a ghost ask about other ghosts, but that was until he noticed, that the figure was not silver and transluscent as the orc, it's armor was grey and covered in dust, and it was clearly breathing. "You, you are not a ghost sir?".
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