1 question, is this harem??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
A great book from a great author. It's been great so far. Zeno cheating death, getting a powerful side chick and main chick too. The world building at the beginning was great too. Character design and introductions are lit too. I just think you need to work a bit on the pacing. It's a great book.
So this was actually good. I started with the thought of it being mediocre since it has grammar errors and such but boy was I surprised. Yup I enjoyed it and would 100% recommend.
I like the idea of this book, I can see the building blocks that you have for it and what you are going for. So couple major things that are holding it back and some things that are going for it.
Things that are holding it back is this, grammar and details. This feels very rushed and instead of the narrator telling you things they should have the characters do so. For example, the demon that shows up and attacks the mc. Instead of you telling us his name as the narrator, have him introduce himself. Also, one thing I noticed going through this book is you give us information about a place or creature without it being introduced organically. For example the glinx. You dont mention that name until you mention the plants that were found. But by then, you already mentioned the creature so you could have told us the name of the creatures then.
This happens a few times and it makes the reader go back and check what you are taking about which takes you out of immersion.
The good, it has decent characters and it’s quite obvious that you spent a lot of time thinking about them. However, they also feel very 2d and do not have a lot of emotion. For example the little girl early on. The way she talked in the middle of her dad being eaten made no sense. “ mom? Mom?” Doesn’t sound like she is freaked out it should read like “ mom!? What’s going on?! Where is dad!?” Just add more emotion to your characters.
Also, the book jumps around a lot when it isnt necessary. For example, again I will bring up the little girl scene. It’s just kind of placed there. Whereas you could have had that in the begining of the book instead of just explaining that these monsters the glinx showed up. Make that the beginning of your book and have that be the first time they showed up.
I would also be way more descriptive regarding places and creatures epecially if they are a major plot point.
Over all I like what you are going for, it just needs some editing and more details in both the characters and what they are feeling and the setting and world building.
The story is decent and was solid I must say. This hooks right you up at the start! Also this novel is up to my alley. Can't wait to finish this one out. Also, a nice description of the narrations, frighteningly splendid!
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Rewriting this review after editing errors from previous chapters.
I should explain this before you guys think of starting this book.
The first volume will seem a little confusing, with a lot of unknowns happening.
But the second volume will be made specifically to reveal the mysteries before moving to the mc's reincarnation.
If you still have any questions about this book, feel free to ask and I'll answer to the best of my abilities.
Thank you.
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Things that are holding it back is this, grammar and details. This feels very rushed and instead of the narrator telling you things they should have the characters do so. For example, the demon that shows up and attacks the mc. Instead of you telling us his name as the narrator, have him introduce himself. Also, one thing I noticed going through this book is you give us information about a place or creature without it being introduced organically. For example the glinx. You dont mention that name until you mention the plants that were found. But by then, you already mentioned the creature so you could have told us the name of the creatures then.
This happens a few times and it makes the reader go back and check what you are taking about which takes you out of immersion.
The good, it has decent characters and it’s quite obvious that you spent a lot of time thinking about them. However, they also feel very 2d and do not have a lot of emotion. For example the little girl early on. The way she talked in the middle of her dad being eaten made no sense. “ mom? Mom?” Doesn’t sound like she is freaked out it should read like “ mom!? What’s going on?! Where is dad!?” Just add more emotion to your characters.
Also, the book jumps around a lot when it isnt necessary. For example, again I will bring up the little girl scene. It’s just kind of placed there. Whereas you could have had that in the begining of the book instead of just explaining that these monsters the glinx showed up. Make that the beginning of your book and have that be the first time they showed up.
I would also be way more descriptive regarding places and creatures epecially if they are a major plot point.
Over all I like what you are going for, it just needs some editing and more details in both the characters and what they are feeling and the setting and world building.