Reading the first paragraph of chapter 1 had me want to drop asap, skipping to chapter 40 cemented my decision. Rating 1 star.Chapters lack depth, no descriptive writing at all other then basic stuff, lacking in details and most important the story has no flow. I felt this was a creation of a ten year old, the very first paragraph was so lacking and held the most basic description of the main character it was boring.
There are grammatical mistakes here and there but its not something that you halt you from reading. From the first chapter, its intriguing and eye catching. There is a lot of mystery to uncover from the beginning that leaves you desperate to find out. I am very interested to see the growth of both the story and the author's writing ability!!!
Recommend by webnovel but I don't recommend it to people. Acceptable grammar problems just need some editor. But just few chapters it made me drop reading it. See, the world building is not thought through and the mc is not realistic. The world is said to have spiritualized by the system but the system conversation with the mc feels bs 😒. I think it got recommend because it becomes pay2read which is not good enough to be paid. Maybe editors should have help this book as it became recommend but no they did not. Anyways I'm going to stop reading this 🙄
The remarks listed below can be seen as suggestions rather than glaring mistakes. They are quite subjective in character and merely portray my idea of the aspects of your work that have the potential to become more. This, however,- does not mean that I find your writing to be lacking. Quite on the contrary: when placed against other stories here on web novel, and I certainly do not exclude my own leisure storytelling, I find that your writing is certainly above the medium. Nor do I claim to have the ability to successfully tend to the remarks made below in my own work,- I merely hope to tell you, to the best of my ability, how it is to read your story.Firstly, I am a reader that wishes to be submerged into the scene. You already greatly succeeded in this in most scenes, but unfortunately, it is - abruptly so - entirely lost in others scenes. I know you have the ability, and would greatly enjoy seeing this in every single scene you create. The dialogue is decent and engaging, and I seldom feel as if the dialogue is obligatory and forced. I do not, however, enjoy the sound effects. I have come to find that many disagree with this, but in my personal opinion; they sound juvenile. Incredibly so. To the point that it disturbs the flow of your story which you have so carefully build. Again, this is very personal, and it has been often brought to my attention that this is quite a controversial point. Concerning the characters, I believe them to be entertaining but they don’t pique my interest in any particular way. I sympathise with them, but ever so often I fail to completely grasp them, and I lose the psychological character I had build of them in my head.Overall, I sincerely believe you did a good job. I enjoyed reading your story and look forward to seeing more of you in the future.
- "Bos sos si?"- something talked and Luke calculated the distance according to the origin of the sound but he still could not detect anything with the Force even though he was sure that threre were not one but probably two or more creatures around him.
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