There's a problem with the writing. The english itself is fine, but the pacing, focus, and rational are all sub-par.Pacing - There are 3 chapters before the official chapter 1 that are glossaries of terms and information about the world, and this is a definite red flag. 1) This is a terrible way to start a story. I don't want to do homework in order to read a novel for leisure. 2) If this is neccessary to understand the story, then you have failed as a writer. You need to show the audience, not tell them. That's the difference between a story and a textbook. 3) Revealing all these details is a part of storytelling. Dumping them all in the beginning simply means you can't use their revelation to further your story. Discovering things with the MC is one of the joys of reading a book, and now you've robbed us of that experience to some extent. 4) By talking about the X levels of your world and how people struggle to climb them, you not only told us the end point of your story, but informed us that we're going to have to read what is basically the same story X times. Another mystery dead and a promise of an endlessly repetitive story.Focus - You need to trim the fat. Details, such as the fact that the MC came in his pants after his first feeding, either need to be cut out or utilized to further the narrative. I believe you were attempting to show how overwhelming of an experience his first feeding was, but you didn't go into enough detail for this fact to be anything other than a distraction. You basically skimmed through the fact that he was exhausted, breezed through his emotional state, and then described in detail the tent in his pants and the stain from his ejaculation. 1 graphic detail amongst a few brief ones sticks out like a sore thumb, and just because it's about a sexual organ doesn't make your novel more "*****."Rational - "Because the information might put you in danger" is not a constructive reason to deny a amnesiac character information about THEMSELVES. That's basically saying "because the author doesn't want the audience to know." You talk about enemies and danger as if covering your eyes will somehow make them go away. All it does is render the MC helpless to avoid these dangers and force him to stumble face first into them due to ignorance.
Just awful. It started as you would expect a novel with this title to, but not only are the 10 days incredibly drawn out with chapter 25 being early day 4 but the MC has already become a twisted narcissistic delusional arrogant psychopath by then. Who knows how much worse he'll become in the following 6 days? He's already provoking people and then holding grudges against them when they respond in the simulations.
Writing quality: There are very few minor mistakes, the grammar is really good and you cannot really complain about itCharacter design: He is a kind soul, which a lovely mother, his childhoos is sweet and hard at the same time, but as the story you will see him grow up, and it makes even sense! No stupid character, no unnessesary face slapping, I like how he grows, how he behaves, and cant wait too see moreStoey development: Given a second chance in a new world, he has to grow up from an innocent child to a strong cultivator, the beginning is a bit harder to read but get over it! At some point you can clearly see the flow of the story of this masterpieceUpdate stability: 3 chapters a week are good but I truly wish for moreWorld background: nothing known of as for now, only some basics
author should really read his script before uploading since there are at least 100 wrong name usages and level correction needed that you can easily become irritated by the time you reach 20th chapter
This story had a great start. The system was a little off, but could be corrected and improved over time. It did not get improved and only went downhill from there. The system seems to forget simple things. For example, it missed when the MC killed a three legged chicken and it did not update the Exp on it. It just randomly says, “you killed enough things to here’s a level or two”. The character has many loopholes and for a character that is supposed to get smarter every level, he seems to forget simple things. One time he decides to kill two mages because, “although they are non hostile they provide a passive threat to me that could go off anytime”. The problem is that the MC forgot he has this power that can make people forget things and make them have illusions. He could have just made them forget any trace of him then put them under an illusion so they can’t see him or his traces. Also the grammar is quite bad. I must say though that this story had great potential. The way the character thought was in a unique way, a way I really liked (at first). The power he had was also unique. A great book that had huge potential, that gave me more thoughts and an unique way of thinking. Poor execution though in my opinion.
Amazing work or art. This story is one that extend a hand of love to the children of the world, it teaches them how to be strong.. Its thematic focus is one the word needs. I hope this story gets celebrated by the world.. Keep it up dear writer
So far, this novel is really good. I love the characters in the story. (especially the admins) This story is probably the second best in the entire website. (158th on internationals) P.S. I am making up stuff about the internationals... so yea
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