Okey to start of the premise of the story got me interested to check this story out. However the first chapter made me want to drop it like it’s hot. But decided to keep at it since you usually need 30-100 chapters in these kind of stories to get a real opinion. Let’s just say that while the writing did get better it honestly went from horrible to really bad and thats with an editor. The story overall is quite good though the MC and his choices are simply mindboogling. For instance a ton of information, settings and background is like how it is often done forced into us in large quantities but when it comes to the MC all rules and logic has no effect. I could probably go on and on about stuff like this but overall the story is decent but the writing is killing it, being similar to google translate or somthing on top of the fact that some words seems to be there simply to add to word count. I do appreciate that it has gotten better but in almost all the chapters it would seem a simple thing like reading what has been written would fix things. Like how in one of the chapters around ch 20 it is mentioned that Ashlyn is eating her dead parents only for the later part saying she’s eating the same diet as her parents.
This story is progressing nicely with all the intriguing developments of Yao Ying and Yao Ling. The two main protagonists’ characters are written well although I find that the author made Yao Ying into a man who’s too fixated on *** and is overly jealous. There’s a time and place for acts of love, yet he’s constantly finding ways to ‘eat tofu’ from his wife. If I’m Yao Ling, I’ll probably be so stressed and upset to be just taken for *** object. I hope that this mission will give the readers more actions and less of Yao Ying’s clumsy attempts to seduce his wife. I often skipped chapters of Yao Ying’s lascivious acts of seducing Yao Ling and move on to the story itself.
The title and synopsis is different from story. The story is fast paced but lacks world building. This is one of those stories that repeats itself after certain limit. Probably a hundred chapters.
You use too much Onomatopoeia. In one chapter, 3 to 5 are enough. That's the maximum amount. If there are too many, the reader's reading flow will be disrupted.Also, don't combine Onomatopoeia words in a sentence. That's not good writing. Let one Onomatopoeia word itself be on a separate line.Out of 5 chapters, chapter 4 was really uncomfortable to read. The structure is probably something I rarely or never see in other webnovels I've read. I suggest reading other similar webnovels to be able to imitate the writing style and structure.
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