I'm not going to sugar-coat my review, so I hope you don't get too offended. Just know that I'm giving these criticisms because I want to help you improve.
To start off, your story was a great opening. It captured my attention and made me want to read more. Unfortunately, (and this seems to be a common problem) there are numerous grammar mistakes. Always remember to proofread your work. I'm not an editor, so I won't point out specifics. Instead, I want to give advice on the actual story.
The main character is interesting, but his tone of voice and choice of words are inconsistent. The syntax that you used makes him sound like some sort of a sassy girl, and I'm having a hard time taking him seriously. Additionally, the descriptions tend to shift between using contractions and not using contractions. I suggest that you stick with using contractions if you want to keep a casual tone because writing the words longhand can break the flow of the prose.
The final thing I want to mention is the worldbuilding (and this ties into the plot and characters as well). For the most part, the world just feels like a basic post-apocalypse with nothing special. I have only read up to the fifth chapter in detail (I've skimmed forward a little bit), but I didn't find anything that distinguished your world from others. For readers, the biggest appeal for a post-apocalyptic novel is the setting, but if it isn't interesting, then I find it hard to keep reading. If you want, you can start by developing interesting characters and later giving more detail on the world itself. But, the issue is that most of the characters aren't interesting at all. I think that the issue stems from the fact that much of the words are taken up by the main character's babbling and exposition. The story would have been much more engaging if you had taken the time to show how different characters interacted and revealed their motivations.
That's all I have to say, and I hope I didn't discourage you at all. I think your work has much potential, so I wanted to help you get better at writing. Keep up the good work!
Writing in first person is a really bold move and congrats to you for actually doing it. The characters especially Stella are well developed. Just work on the grammar a bit and the book will be awesome
A very unique and capturing start to the book! The main character is very interesting and I think readers will have a fun type getting to know his personality and feelings! Wonder what's coming in the next chapters...
One thing I had a hard time w was keeping up with the continuous long descriptions of places and structures in the beginning chapters. It would have been better to add a few interactive scenes in between to break it up a bit, but I think it's just me haha. Over all it's very nice Good luck and good work Fellow Author!!!
So I read up to chapter 7 and I liked the sister character a lot. Really good concept. I noticed only 2 mistakes in the chapters so it's almost perfect. The story is interesting and if I read something more than 2 chapters you know it's good. I wouldn't nitpick and I liked the story and character. Keep up the good work. I also have a question for you so If you read this can I ask you a question?
Woah! I read like six chapters, and you left me a deep impression. The novel is good, the synopsis is intriguing. The dialogues are spot on, and the characters feel lively.
Although I could find grammatical mistakes here and there, I don't mind.
We are not participating in the literature competition here. I am sure you can improve in the future.
Wow, I can tell you have had writers block. But look at you! Writing and improvising. Honestly, amazing. Shows how much resistant you are. I am so proud of you. Please keep writing! Amazing work!!!
I really like this, I love the world building of this story. Characters are engaging and a special mention to the bold move author took to write this in the first person, as writing in first person can many times lead to the story being one-toned as it's told from the perspective of a single person, but it doesn't feel that way. Just shows the skills of the writer. There are small errors here and there but no one expects perfection! Being a writer myself I understand it can happen and should be neglected. And I am waiting on more chapters now ;)
Popular Reviews
To start off, your story was a great opening. It captured my attention and made me want to read more. Unfortunately, (and this seems to be a common problem) there are numerous grammar mistakes. Always remember to proofread your work. I'm not an editor, so I won't point out specifics. Instead, I want to give advice on the actual story.
The main character is interesting, but his tone of voice and choice of words are inconsistent. The syntax that you used makes him sound like some sort of a sassy girl, and I'm having a hard time taking him seriously. Additionally, the descriptions tend to shift between using contractions and not using contractions. I suggest that you stick with using contractions if you want to keep a casual tone because writing the words longhand can break the flow of the prose.
The final thing I want to mention is the worldbuilding (and this ties into the plot and characters as well). For the most part, the world just feels like a basic post-apocalypse with nothing special. I have only read up to the fifth chapter in detail (I've skimmed forward a little bit), but I didn't find anything that distinguished your world from others. For readers, the biggest appeal for a post-apocalyptic novel is the setting, but if it isn't interesting, then I find it hard to keep reading. If you want, you can start by developing interesting characters and later giving more detail on the world itself. But, the issue is that most of the characters aren't interesting at all. I think that the issue stems from the fact that much of the words are taken up by the main character's babbling and exposition. The story would have been much more engaging if you had taken the time to show how different characters interacted and revealed their motivations.
That's all I have to say, and I hope I didn't discourage you at all. I think your work has much potential, so I wanted to help you get better at writing. Keep up the good work!
One thing I had a hard time w was keeping up with the continuous long descriptions of places and structures in the beginning chapters. It would have been better to add a few interactive scenes in between to break it up a bit, but I think it's just me haha. Over all it's very nice Good luck and good work Fellow Author!!!
Although I could find grammatical mistakes here and there, I don't mind.
We are not participating in the literature competition here. I am sure you can improve in the future.
Keep up the great work!