Reagan was about to pick up the documents when Hiromi stopped him, holding his hand. He got surprised, Hiromi's face was inches away from his'. His heart started to beat faster, staring back at the man.
"Kyouda-san spoke in regards to the victim's romantic affairs, it seems. The victim Mitsui-san was quite a beauty, but it looks like she didn't have a lover. And around three months ago… around the end of March, a drunk Mitsui-san ended up spilling some info on her love life. Mitsui-san was, 'Unable to forget the love she had in her high school days, and even now, she couldn't bring herself to get another boyfriend,' apparently. What's more, from what she learned through social media, the boy on her mind got engaged to another woman last year."
Good so far. I have finished the free chapters and still can't really form an opinion before the they leave the first floor, which is where I think the free chapters should have ended, but you can't get everything you want
Honestly, when I skimmed through the first six chapters, I felt like you’ve got some really nice touches, especially in the fight scenes. The way you described the dragon battle was exciting—it made me feel the tension and movement, especially when Rahit was facing the dragon head-on, and that moment when he noticed the mark on its face and the sadness in its eyes. It gave the whole scene a strange, deeper feeling. But honestly, I felt the dialogue could be a bit smoother. Like when Ash said, "Go on without me," it felt a bit cliché. You might want to add lines that feel more natural or reflect his personality better. And there were a few moments where the sequence of events felt slightly off, but that’s totally normal in early drafts. As for the world-building, I think it needs a bit more detail. What's the deal with the Kings’ Powers? Why are the dragons attacking? I got the sense that there's a big mystery behind everything, but there aren’t many clues yet. If you start adding subtle hints about the world's history or why the dragons are appearing, it’ll keep readers more hooked. Overall, the story definitely has strong potential, especially with your action scenes and the small details you include. Rahit feels relatable, especially when he hesitated to kill the dragon. And that moment when the arrow pierced the dragon? Honestly, it was an unexpected, brilliant twist. I felt like you planted a seed for a mystery that’ll unfold later. So, I think you're on a good path—you just need to smooth out the dialogue a bit and add more world-building details. And trust me, you've got something special here. 💯
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