The writer of this novel is a brazilian youtuber called "Zy" that was exposed a few months ago for exchanging nude pictures with an underage girl that was one of his subscribers. She was around 15.
You asked for honest feedback, so I have been quite candid in this review. This does not mean I did not enjoy your story, or finds it immensely lacking. I am simply trying to help you progress by giving you some pointers.Firstly, your dialogue comes across as wooden and unnatural. I believe it would help if didn’t put as much exposition in your dialogue.Secondly, there is an absence of rhythm in your writing. I miss a cadence when reading your story. It does not necessarily withhold me from immersing myself, but it would help pull in your reader.Lastly, and this one is more personal, but as a reader I wish for more texture. What are the surroundings like? How is the air? Does it smell? Is it clear? Is the sun blinding to the eyes? I want to feel like I am there with you characters. Give me the cracks in the pavement and the chipped paint of shop signs. Give me the feel of the wind and the smell of spices in the air. That’s what transforms a story from good, to great. And that’s what pulls in your reader.Overall, I believe this story has a lot of potential. It has a clear storyline with good characters, and writing. Well done!
Webnovel still want to translate trash novels like these?Come on! It's exactly the same plot each time with the mc that are always the same and the author that try to put a maximum of fillers in the fighting chapters!!!
After getting somewhat popular author pulls all the chapters and doenst even leave a teaser of the novel. All for some stupid Amazon Money from selling the book? Seems like a bad decision to me. Could've just made a patreon
Great story background could use a little more detailing like what year they are in and what the continent/ world they are in is called, I haven’t seen any other problems with the story it’s great every other way just needs a little more background knowledge
Unfortunately, a hypocritical hero with a weak character is just a cowardly monkey and tries to act kindly, in his dungeon he kills adventure teams who have family, sons, wives, husbands and family, but when he sees young children wanting to protect them something disgusting, you may have killed their family, you are a monster you must act like a monster No, just act like humans, they are more evil and deceitful than monsters, I don't know the hero is a killer, how does he try to show kindness, if you're a kind person, don't kill anyone, whether monsters or humans, what's the difference?!? And make your goal in life to raise homeless and needy children, help and protect them, and all the money you make try to spend on them, this is how you can be a nice person, and if you don't, this is hypocrisy, deception and personal disease, the important thing is good luck to the author, I do not like such a hero who thinks himself saint
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