writing quality is good with good grammar and proper story writing. Good enough to keep readers retain the story.
The story development is really good with how you wrote only the necessary details and kept readers engaged with the story. I like how the story is simple and you didn't info dump it.
You are really an experienced and proper author.
The character design needs some work. I mean how people hate him because he is just poor kid.
And is Silvia a feminist. because readers assume things when you don't represent them.
I know you want to make things suspensive but just bragging about beauty isn't how you should introduce characters.
Other than that the story is very good.
The updating stability is good.
And world building is just good until now. As it completed in the future
As many have accented earlier, I too am not entirely happy with the volactile personality of Ren and other characters, but what amazes me most is the fact that the title contains the word "alchemy", of which, in the last 200 chapters, I have not even seen the shadow.
Maybe some hints in the first chapters, but personally I have yet to see some alchemy applied in the novel.
Like the path the story is taking and the style is one of my favorite.
If I have to give a suggestion is to reduce a little bit the morons side of the story. This is the kind of young master owns the world and gets slap in the face, but this kind of characters should get a bit less story time to improve the pacing.
Also I feel a bit sad when we get 1 character that is so bad that ruins a good story, sometimes is the MC, other times is antagonist, in this one it’s is friend Leonel. The dude have a 5years old brain and no common sence and MC instead of educate him his supporting his decisions. please upgrade him to at least a 12 years brain so he can tell right from wrong!
This is a really good start for this type of book I’m looking forward too future chapter most likely to be my favourite book of the year let’s hope for a lot of support from the masses lol
So I finished all of your current chapters. So far, you've correctly estsblished the importance of the game, it's relation to the character, the character's goals and risks. Family interactions and everything seemed fine , so the initial premise set up is all well.
Now the issues. Right now it's far too early to determine any plot issues that might stick out. I can't see any problems, aside from some areas with awkward wording, such as "the son of Ren's neighborhood" when introducing Roni. I'd recommend going back and perhaps polishing these areas, but those are fairly minor as it doesn't distract from the pace or the plot. There's also some minor grammar errors just as incorrect tense usage, "Ren never even met Silvia in his entire existence..." and so on.
Next would be since you're writing in third person, you really need to describe the MC. early on for readers to build a easier connections. We don't really get an idea of Ren until chapter 5 during his character creation screen, and although it is good that you did so, I personally prefer it to be done early on, especially since you even have Roni, a character that readers are supposed to hate, defined before the MC. I found this to be rather awkward personally.
Other than those I can't think of anything else at the moment. I hope your next chapter fleshes out Covenant well though. Be sure to make the world gripping and interesting to explore and follow.
It’s better than most novels but wouldn’t say it’s amazing.
There’s something off with Ren’s personality. It’s like he’s bordering a control-freak edgelord while trying to be a calm, composed, and relatable MC. The dichotomy should be the major personal struggle of the novel but the appeal of it just falls flat.
Also if you’re expecting classic Alchemy, then you’d find little of it here. World building could also use a bit more flair as it is lacking and grammar could be better but that’s just a minor issue for me.
It’ a good story which gives off a similar feel to reincarnation of the strongest sword. If you liked it then you would probably like this too.
The characters are fleshed out and your not overwhelmed with too many characters at the start with a gradual increase.
I’m about 50 chapters in and it feels like it’s only been 10 the progression of the story is gradual but in a good way as the author takes more time to develp the story before rushing into the plot
There’s a lot more I could go on about but I’d rather keep reading so you’ll have to check it out for yourself.
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The story development is really good with how you wrote only the necessary details and kept readers engaged with the story. I like how the story is simple and you didn't info dump it.
You are really an experienced and proper author.
The character design needs some work. I mean how people hate him because he is just poor kid.
And is Silvia a feminist. because readers assume things when you don't represent them.
I know you want to make things suspensive but just bragging about beauty isn't how you should introduce characters.
Other than that the story is very good.
The updating stability is good.
And world building is just good until now. As it completed in the future
Maybe some hints in the first chapters, but personally I have yet to see some alchemy applied in the novel.
If I have to give a suggestion is to reduce a little bit the morons side of the story. This is the kind of young master owns the world and gets slap in the face, but this kind of characters should get a bit less story time to improve the pacing.
Also I feel a bit sad when we get 1 character that is so bad that ruins a good story, sometimes is the MC, other times is antagonist, in this one it’s is friend Leonel. The dude have a 5years old brain and no common sence and MC instead of educate him his supporting his decisions. please upgrade him to at least a 12 years brain so he can tell right from wrong!
Now the issues. Right now it's far too early to determine any plot issues that might stick out. I can't see any problems, aside from some areas with awkward wording, such as "the son of Ren's neighborhood" when introducing Roni. I'd recommend going back and perhaps polishing these areas, but those are fairly minor as it doesn't distract from the pace or the plot. There's also some minor grammar errors just as incorrect tense usage, "Ren never even met Silvia in his entire existence..." and so on.
Next would be since you're writing in third person, you really need to describe the MC. early on for readers to build a easier connections. We don't really get an idea of Ren until chapter 5 during his character creation screen, and although it is good that you did so, I personally prefer it to be done early on, especially since you even have Roni, a character that readers are supposed to hate, defined before the MC. I found this to be rather awkward personally.
Other than those I can't think of anything else at the moment. I hope your next chapter fleshes out Covenant well though. Be sure to make the world gripping and interesting to explore and follow.
There’s something off with Ren’s personality. It’s like he’s bordering a control-freak edgelord while trying to be a calm, composed, and relatable MC. The dichotomy should be the major personal struggle of the novel but the appeal of it just falls flat.
Also if you’re expecting classic Alchemy, then you’d find little of it here. World building could also use a bit more flair as it is lacking and grammar could be better but that’s just a minor issue for me.
The characters are fleshed out and your not overwhelmed with too many characters at the start with a gradual increase.
I’m about 50 chapters in and it feels like it’s only been 10 the progression of the story is gradual but in a good way as the author takes more time to develp the story before rushing into the plot
There’s a lot more I could go on about but I’d rather keep reading so you’ll have to check it out for yourself.
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