Let's Imagine a Female Knight from Another World

It's so much fun reading this.  Only 2 chapters but I feel like I have travelled far and I was there in the pages with the character.  Bonus is the author's personal experiences in the paragraph comments.  The voice and tone are very natural.   My only suggestion though is to start a new paragraph for another character's dialogue. Please don't combine them in one.

This novel is off to a great start.  Keep it up and keep on writing.   

I came from his previous works such as Lady of Labelle and Queen of Queens on Medium and Novella. To say the very least, they haven't lost his touch.

- Writing Quality: Very elegant imagery. As a person who's very keen on surroundings and location while reading a story (think J.R.R. Tolkien), I like this author because they're precise about what's going around the characters. I enjoyed reading about the "manga sword" in C2, it was weird but I could see it vividly.

Story Development - It seems we're only at the part where characters are being introduced and the setting is being described. Hard to say where this will lead, however, I feel someone or something is going to do a 360.

Character Design - Hard to say so far, but they have me intrigued with characters like Momoko (pervertedness and shyness) and Obara (seems like a jokester). If this is truly Isekai, I wonder how they'll shape the story in the next world. I like how Momoko's perception and thoughts are laid out for the reader to interpret. Knowing the author, it starts off quite linear however they add some type of weird twist on the protagonist that's unusual. Momoko seems a bit pervy so who knows.

World Background (I'm guessing this means location?) - The synopsis says she's average so when she's describing the world around her it all seems a bit lackluster, it may just be me. The protag is apparently going to an entirely new world so maybe his pictorial story-telling is used better there (and honestly in a new place like a town the reader needs a good description of what it looks like anyway). It's to soon to tell.

All in all, great start, need more, good luck!

Very strong start!

Writing quality - epic.
Story Development - I only saw two chaps and they were mostly setup chaps, so I can't say much!
World Background - Patiently awaiting the Grand Appearance of Truck-kun! Actually, wait. She's prob just gonna whoosh through a portal with the two boys and maybe her sister.
Character Design - I have a few problems here and they also tie into the storytelling aspect. But these are mostly just personal preferences so please don't take me too srsly.

The way you write the details of the story are lit. The smells, the sounds, the sights, and the feelings. Most stories tend to only focus on feelings and sight, so I'm super impressed.

But I found myself wanting to skim past these descriptions, because from the first six paragraphs of the story, you told me that the MC is just an averagely interesting person. So when I see her describing stuff, especially everyday stuff like how her apartment looks like and what she does daily, I just automatically think they're going to be something mundane.

And I read the paragraphs fully and sure enough, they're mundane stuff. She talks about how her home looks, a rather small apartment complex for students; she mentions her parents and gets back to diligently praising her sister; then she talks about going to shop once a month...

And at this point, you start to lose me. But after that, she starts to chat with her sister, which let's get honest here, is the best part about the story so far, so I get interested again.

But, when they separate at school and MC starts to think about the average things, you start to lose me again with her average girl perspective.

But then you redeem it by adding that epic description of the manga volumes shaped like a sword. It was a bit hard to visualize, but it was veeery, very interesting. For me, unique stuff like these are much more interesting to read, compared to a beautiful description of a scenery or whatever.

Okay, I think you get my point. But how do you fix this?

Me, personally, I'd add a twist to her average persona. Here's an example.

"I'm just an average schoolgirl with average looks and average charisma, but my hobby is to trap and kill rats."

And then I'd describe her doing average stuff, but doing her best to avoid the rat traps she placed all around her house, and her sister going like, "Momoko! Stop putting rat traps all over the place!"

When they're walking towards their school, I'd maybe describe her glancing around the surroundings, wondering where she would find a rat to trap and kill.

At this point, the reader will prob go wtf.  But they'll still diligently read these descriptions of her everyday life, trying to understand what's going on.

She said she's an average girl, but what kind of average girl goes around killing rats? Is she psycho? Or is it normal to have a hobby of killing rats in this world, considering how her sister seemed to take it so casually?

Obviously, this is a super hyperbolic example. And you actually have this kind of twist where the MC loves manga and novels. But let's be honest. Everyone on this website loves manga and light novels. Her loving these things is not a unique trait for your intended readers.

Okay, I went on too big of a tangent here. Basically, I just want you to make your MC more notable, I guess.

But of course, please don't take me too seriously, as this is all my personal opinions.

This really picked my interest.

And here I thought it will be bland but I am impressed! I saw nicely done first-person narration and it was a good choice! I am very immersed in the dialogues and the characters were lifelike and realistic. It was easy to be attached to them as I read them. All in all, I am sure this novel will become great someday. Even in tv screens if picked by Tencent!

I'm liking the imagery and conversations had with the main character. This is definitely being saved, good work! [img=coins] [img=coins] [img=coins][img=coins] [img=coins] [img=coins] [img=coins]

Transferring from Valise Manga, can't wait to continue the story with Momoko and her "intriguing" personality.

[img=recommend] [img=recommend] [img=recommend] [img=recommend] [img=recommend] [img=recommend] [img=recommend] [img=recommend] [img=recommend]

came from Wattpad, the writer envelopes me into his work and makes me feel like I'm right there with the cast. definitely staying here so I can continue reading