You have a good idea. I feel like I am not in the story. I am suggesting that you try to show instead of telling what characters are doing. here is websitehttp://***.wright.edu/~david.wilson/eng3830/creativewriting101.pdf
Hi! This is kerawood, an editor of the international writing contest SWA II. I believe your book has great potential, so I invited you to join in a week ago. Please reply to me so I can discuss this with you in detail. This contest is free entry.
On the other hand, The old man narrowed his eyes focusing on Mesa. The air around the child before him changed slightly and the way he walked toward the matron… with his decades of experience in his job, he could easily tell when people want to take life and child who was barely 6 years gave the same feeling. But he didn't stop it, he wanted to see what the child could do. Before the old man's eyes, Mesa hand extended toward the matron neck with a knife appearing in his hand, the old man eyes widened slightly. The child hid a weapon in his sleeve all the time but he didn't notice it.
She paused in thought, becoming motionless the way only the undead can; no sway, no eye movement, all the animation of a rock—until the spell collapsed with her next words. "There's still four minutes until dawn, but I ought to get going."
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