A lone immortal is chased from heaven when heaven's court changes hands. Evading his enemies, he flees into one of the few places even gods will never enter, a rip in the fabric of space and time. with his body destroyed, his soul persists through the whole endeavor only to be reborn as..... something a little different.... ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hi everyone! As a first time writer, I'd love some constructive criticism as well as general comments about my work as a whole. This story is something I've been kind of thinking about for the better part of a few months and I actually got anxious enough to attempt to put it in writing. Releases may be sporadic as I'm currently in school, and chapter lengths will vary depending on how much I feel i need to write to get my point across. The tags are temporary and may change. I plan on using a cultivation/mana system as this will be somewhat of a crossover
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Popular Reviews All reviews
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Daneyt rated it
Reincarnator with no feelings, no aspirations. System with no logic, MC no reaction and curiousity how he got it. Cultivation system without any details. If you want to read a spoon feeding story with wish fulfillment webnovel, this is it.0 0 Reply
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Dream_Lord14r6 rated it
Plot points are too forced... and things seem to go the MC’s way in an almost suspicious way... My real life work is really harsh.. oh nice, players are gifting me money... oh, what a coincidence, the game itself happened to advertise me... bringing me more money. Guess I can now quit my job, how convenient. My reputation in the village is in ruins? Oh, what a coincidence there’s hungry kids over there. Oh, what a bigger coincidence we’re cooking “spider” legs right now. Yay, now our reputation is saved.0 0 Reply
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_god_of_chaos_WL rated it
first off I love the idea because it's actually really cool. and in fact I also think this would be great with just a single addition. it needs an editor. the novel is rife with grammar and syntax errors to the point where it's actually distracting. on top of that there's quite a few places you can tell we're the result of a finger slipping while typing numbers.0 0 Reply
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Gabriel_Silva_8900 rated it
First the main two things people dislike which is the writing quality and point of view shifts. The writing quality isn’t perfect but readable as it is mostly minor mistakes like lighting/ lightning getting switched up as an example. I usually auto correct it as I read so I don’t notice it much but just something to be aware of for those who care about that. The Pov switch in the beginning isn’t the best but it improves as it goes. The different point of views let us see what movements are happening in the world that relate to the mc or provide information whether it is about the world or characters. The way it is used especially later on with characters to flesh them out is great.The world is done well with a interesting background and how it works. The story is good keeping you interested on finding out more and seeing what actions the main character will take. To wrap it up it is a good read that is worth a try to see if you like it and I hope it gets updated plenty in the future as it is getting good.0 0 Reply
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PlugOStien rated it
I have read a few chapters.. the storyline progresses quickly.. the author's English is good enough to understand and even use describing words. However, many of those describing words are placed in awkward places of the sentences. I also wish there was more description on everything.. the setting, the characters.. etc. Good luck, author, please continue your hard word and improve your English.0 0 Reply
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M4s4ki rated it
So far this is one of the better ones that I've read from this genre. I'm curious to see where the author takes the story. I like the main character, and I think the author has a good plot and so far it's been entertaining and enjoyable to read. The characters are interesting and the author does well portraying their thoughts and intentions while still hunting that more development for the future. I look forward to the rest of the story.0 0 Reply
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DCTrafficWari rated it
I’ll be straight. This story is a mess. I see what the author is trying to write but so far in my humble opinion. It’s a mess. I’ll continue reading though, hoping it gets better.0 0 Reply
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Ewaan rated it
minutes have passed and when the reporters gathered enough courage, they darted their probing questions on her.0 0 Reply
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