Everything feels too forced and rushed. Too many mistakes in sentences where some words have nothing to do with that sentences which gets really confusing. The logic/reasoning is not throughly thought out because the reasons don’t match with how the author tries to portray the main character. Author needs to worry about quality above quantity because you say one thing which is enough but you want to add more to it which sometimes makes it confusing or unnecessary, there is probably a better way to explain this but not coming to my head right now. The author makes too many side comments as part of the narration of the story which brings down the quality. Also in your narrative you blame characters for their characteristics, which you created, don’t do that........ I have also noticed you try to add to many unnecessary stuff to a sentence and you end up combining two or three thoughts together which don’t make sense...... The biggest problem seems to be structuring the world building/ character building, you mention **** ton of stuff like realms and rare items when people have no idea what they are, I understand you say they are rare but that’s too much for the beginning of the story, it doesn’t help your reads give value to things, what I mean by that is as people read a story they tend to make sense of the world in the story and what has what value, but the way you write it devalues the “super rare items”. Don’t take offense this is a honest review you should try to fix many of these problems if not all, there are other problems but I lost track writing all these. I hope the author improves and fixes his/her previous chapters, I would suggest reading translated novels to get a better idea of how a cultivation novel is structured and there are some top original cultivation novels on this website too.
Hi! This is kera, an editor of the international writing contest SWA II. I believe your book has great potential, so I invited you to join in a week ago. Please reply to me so I can discuss this with you in detail.
Nice plot you have. It's very intriguing and mysterious, I love it! But it would be better if you used some coma ( , ) in your dialogues. That's all I could say basing from my level of experience and level of criticism.
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