Eater

And all that glitters is gold

Only shooting stars break the mold

Okay, frankly you have a great, unique idea going on. But honestly, this feels like a cross between an academic paper and a contract to get myself a virtual avatar built not a novel. 🙃First of all, I suggest you do away with the repeated use of the phrase "the said this and that" its disturbing, and it gives a very mechanical and legal outlook to your text. Like it's a user term from some software that you'll just scroll to the end and hit I accept without reading a single word. Secondly, the second chapter feels like some friend of mine saw an amazing movie and is briefing me about it. Not that I'm reading it for myself. You are telling me word to what what is happening, who is feeling what etc. Things that should be shown, should be subtly conveyed through dialogue and other creative means are flatly thrown at my face. Paragraphs are too long and too full of text. This chapter screams for more dialogue and conversation. Make your sentences short, snappy and try to keep too much scientifically jargon out. Or provide a glossary at the end of the chapter. All in all, I truly appreciate the uniqueness of your idea, but to be a novel, it has a long way to go. Good luck.

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