Though I have a few bits to criticize, it's good so far.The first, and most important, is that all the dialogue sounds like the same person. It helps a lot with fleshing out a character to give them a unique voice. It doesn't have to be as large a change as Yoda or as obvious as the "desu" some authors plant at the end of a sentence, but it really helps if something changes based on who's talking. It also helps break the feeling that you're reading someone tell you a story instead of reading a story.Another thing to remember is that events in reality have a pace to them. It can be easy to write paragraphs about the thought process in the moment, and maybe that's how it actually happened in their head, but readers either lack the speed of thought or the IRL influence forcing their attention so it draws ******* out of a situation. If the situation is easy or doesn't require their attention, that makes sense, but if it's a desperate or intense situation it can disconnect the reader from the story. Basically, try to keep the intensity of the reader's experience the same as what's going through the MC's head.
I'm currently on chapter 172, It's a decent urban novel to pass the time. As a harem novel the main heroine doesn't really play much of a role... In fact his landlord seems to be the main heroine 😅So far there are 5 heroines: 1.) His landlord 2.) The cross-dresser3.) Crossdresser 's best friend who talks a mile a minute4.) MC's highschool class monitor, and a 5.) National news anchor whom MC had a crush on during college.BTW if anyone can find the chapter: 【172】You didn’t come back last night?please let me know 😅
"few!" the beautiful lady finally opened her pretty eyes. She released a foul breadth and watched serenely at the handsome young man practising his martial arts.
'So, which titled Douluo is there who wants to court death, even though I don't want to reveal my true strength since the Phantom Organization and the Spirit Hall will be on my tail but losing my friends isn't worth it.'
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