The Delinquent Shimizu-san Sitting Next to Me Has Dyed Her Hair Black Chapter v13 part5 Discussion

So far this novel has only been okay. When reading I can tell what the author is going for but the writing feels stiff and a bit unnatural which makes me think the author is somewhat new. This story is your typical romance fluff type, but at least for me I haven't been able to get immersed in it, the general plot line is fine but the execution just makes it come off as a bit unnatural. So far v1c1 and v1v2 have started with his friend asking him something about love, him answering, then that answer is what ends up happening with the love interest. V1c3 is the female leads pov.

Now with context out of the way an example of where the story feels a bit unnatural is how the best friend keeps asking about love while she is in earshot, with how the friend was acting I assumed that the best friend knew about her crush on MC and was trying to help her but with v1c3 having her pov it didn't give the impression that they were working together which makes the friends sudden asking about love life feel awkward.

Another point is it just instantly jumps into the story without very much fluff around it, the story has the friend ask, him say that he likes black hair ect, then the next day her hair is dyed black. Up to this point its fine since its the introduction but there is no slice of life expansion on that (Simple things like conversations or little interactions that aren't related to the loop of friend ask>answer>event occurs) which makes their interactions come off a bit more unnatural. The reason why I think this is a big issue is because it makes the MC come off as very dense, because there is very little to no ambiguity in her actions which makes it very clear that she loves him. There isn't any kind of justification for it (An example of a justification for being dense would be insecurity, where the MC feels they aren't worthy so they deny the possibility that the beautiful girl likes them) and the author also makes the MC do things like pointing out that her face is red or other things that make him feel observant so when he doesn't notice it makes him feel dense. Something that would also help is if its a 3rd person pov reacting to their relationship since that would allow the author to demonstrate the female leads embarrassment/love while avoiding making the MC feel dense. This could be executed with something like the best friend, where he found out about female leads crush and is trying to help her and we get a pov of him watching their interactions or him messing with MC and getting their reaction.

Overall I think that the story has potential and the further we get into it the author might start getting use to executing their plot causing the story to feel more natural, but at least right now while the story isn't bad it isn't something I would necessary recommend. After the author gets use to creating conversations and relationships more naturally if they re-write these parts then I think the story would be pretty good since the framework is good, but at least for now I don't think the story has been able to reach its full potential.