- #1
I don't normally write reviews but seeing as there aren't any here of people who read all 168 (*now 184) chapters, I will write one. Hopefully it's helpful:If I had to give this tags, you should expect: historical - nobility - different social status - omegaverse - mpreg - childhood s*xual ab*se (no r*pe but attempts and mol*station) - trauma - dubcon - touch aversion and learning to overcome it - heartbreak - doting partner (s) - handsome protagonist - (extremely) handsome male lead - jealous ML - over-protective ML - misunderstandings - lies - trust issues - bullying - drama - MC has many secrets - past plays a big role - hard-working protagonistThe setup is simple: omegaverse in a medieval, feudal setting. The mc/shou is an omega with some s*xual experience (only with other omega) being hired to help an alpha Duke/King who needs to have a political marriage and heirs but can't because he was ab*sed as a child and is repulsed by the thought of touching another person - especially omegas. Both of them suffered from ab*se and both of them carry scars from that time.The story is divided into two parts. If I had to give them separate reviews I would give part 1 a 4/5 and part 2 a 2.5 or 3/5. While there were a lot great moments I didn't like the way the author did the second part so I'm leaving it at an overall 3.5. Edit: about half a year later the author released 16 chapters of epilogue bringing the whole novel to 184 chapters. Honestly it didn't change my rating of the final result much, it's still a bit of a hot mess.What I liked
- For me this novel was surprisingly good to binge, I couldn't put it down until I finished (for better and for worse). You don't have to worry about not seeing the main couple interact for more than a few chapters, things are always progressing.
- It starts out as you would expect: ML is rude towards MC, both of them have prejudices and then they slowly grow closer. You get some really REALLY cute scenes of them developing feelings and ML learning that closeness to another person can be a wonderful thing. I really liked those parts, I feel tempted to give the novel more stars just for that but I disliked part 2 a bit too much.
- for a R19 novel with a premise of teaching someone about physical intimacy, it's surprisingly slow burn. It felt like the couple being intimate wasn't rushed which is nice and it only happens after Spoiler
they already like each other
[collapse] - ML's perspective was always a highlight. You think things are reasonably normal -then you see them from the perspective of the guy who's supposed to be collected, elegant and reserved and he's flustered and obsessed about the weirdest things. It's too adorable and funny.
- It's nice to see the mc/shou be the more experienced one. He's the partner who initiates contact (at first) and tries to draw the other party out of the shell they built around themselves. He's very gentle towards the ML and tries everything to get him to WANT to touch him and get close. That's what I wanted from this novel
- The main couple is very likeable. You feel bad for everything they have been through and they feel like a perfect match for each other. You can't help but want them to have a happy outcome.
- obviously themes of s*xual ab*se. Both MC and ML have had people Spoiler
try to r*pe and mol*st them as adolescents (thankfully, neither was actually r*ped)
[collapse]. You will see flashbacks of that but not detailed. There's no detailed description of young teenagers being mol*sted but it's implied and briefly described once. - This book is rated R19 in Korea so it does include explicit s*x scenes. An aspect you will find in many omegaverse books is that intimacy is learning toward noncon/dubcon (at least compared to what we would consider enthusiastic consent in our world) because the setting has a big emphasis on people being controlled by the pheromones and instincts of their secondary genders. This work has that too. I will say that MC never seems to think what ML does is r*pe. Yet, there are many scenes where the author includes lines like MC trying to crawl away or saying things like 'don't do that' while being depicted as physically enjoying things - definitely in part due to the fact that pheromones get you 'into' it even if you weren't previously. Sometimes, the framing around the intimacy also feels 'off', great example is their first time: Spoiler
both of them aren't in their right mind because they are overloaded with someone else's pheromones for the first time. While it was established before that MC was trying to get ML into bed and found him very attractive, during the encounter he instinctively makes various attempts to get away or reject him. All this isn't helped by the fact that, as they get closer, we get a long flashback elaborating on the s*xual ab*se MC suffered from alphas in his childhood (no r*pe but attempts) - only to transition to him coming to his senses with ML inside of him.
[collapse] The scene itself has a lot of sweet elements, both of them don't remember much of it and MC never considers it noncon - yet the framing, strategic placement of a flashback and actions during the encounter make it feel like dubcon. It's fine if you can take it as part of the alpha-omega dynamic of one partner being reluctant and the other wanting to possess them fully and utterly, after all we all read for escapism and the relationships we like/find hot in novels aren't an indicator of what we would want in real life. I still was hoping to mainly see fluffy, enthusiastic encounters based on the premise of healing from ab*se/fear. - If you don't like public intimacy/non-consensual PDA, there's some of that here. Never full-on s*x in front of others, but there are two instances where MC is forcefully mol*sted by ML while other people are present. Personally found those uncomfortable to read but thankfully easy to skip.
- For a novel where both partners having trauma is a huge part of the plot, there's surprisingly little serious conversation between the two leads. This is especially true for MC. The author wanted a protagonist who keeps a lot of (understandable) secrets and often tries to act on his own because of them. You will not really see him explain his reasons to the ML or come clean about trauma so there can be healing. There is some of that eventually but I was hoping for A LOT more.
- Expect a lot more pain/drama than you would have thought. If you need to know if the ending is happy Spoiler
yes, definitely
[collapse]. Most of the last 1/3 of this novel is pain and more pain. You feel bad for the MC, you feel bad for the ml, you don't know who to blame. There are some heartwarming scenes in between and it can be fun if you are someone who likes the "someone treats MC badly because of misunderstandings and then later regrets it"-trope. Just be aware there's a lot of that in part 2. - The ending, especially the clearing up of misunderstandings and resolving the main conflicts felt very rushed. The later part of the novel features a lot of Spoiler
protagonist being treated badly by the ML because of misunderstandings
[collapse] Were the climax of the novel only about resolving external threats, a short resolution would be fine. But since a lot of drama was focussed on the dynamics between the main couple this novel could have benefitted from at least 20 more chapters of just healing, or maybe from escalating things a bit less.Edit *now including the epilogue*: The epilogue was like the author working through a list of the most glaring things the ending didn't address, but honestly? It still felt clumsy. Some things were finally resolved yet still not as neatly as I would have liked. Other things were either retconned (in case of some smaller details), handled in a strange way or still not addressed. Why do I feel like our main couple is still a hot mess that can't talk about problems? The only thing I change is my estimation that you could wrap this up in a satisfying way if the story had "at least 20 more chapters" - make that 40. I still feel crucial development like this should take place before the ending and not as an epilogue.
- obviously themes of s*xual ab*se. Both MC and ML have had people Spoiler