You should add more spaces and sEperate thr longer paragrahs to make it easier to read. Long paragraphs are painful too read and quickly cause the reader to lose interest Otherwise great story!
Is there going to be an actual system? It said that he was send back to the past, thats to say the system he created wasn't created yet? Or is it like he had a second body that recreate all the events that happened in the past and the main body controls the system? Will looking forward to it.
almost zero world explaining, just feels rushed . the writing is horrible on god I can't read this without spitting out mouthful of blood every couple sentences too hard to read just feels like mtl I have read only 5 chapters and I still don't understand where he is at or how he got there skips way too much detail.....
Alright, let me start off with some deserved praise. The story is good, I almost got hooked to it. The plot is heading in a very interesting way, and you did a good job building a not-so-cliche background of the protagonist/s. The pacing is good, each chapter gets you somewhere. The humor in this novel is also just right beside my taste.HOWEVER,the character design is too forced, the way they converse is too robotic and stiff. They have no feelings at all, the mc can even be considered as a repugnant douche with how he deals with things, although I don't particularly hate that kind of mc.The world building is too poor. The details are absolutely non-existent. Up until now, I have no idea what the mc looks like, that Jessica girl, and that Golden boy. Like, they just exist there, they do not have a single spoon of appearance or expression.And to top it all, the grammar is not even on an average level. There are too many newbie mistakes even in the synopsis itself. Let's take the scene where Jessica was being dramatic in front of the mc:"In the first moment she tried to resist, and even landed a few punches and slaps in his body. But after seeing that struggling was futile, she just accepted the facts and enjoyed the moment."How the f*ck can you punch and slap 'IN' someone's body.Using a little common sense would surely fix that problem, but that's not the point.Anyway, that's it for my review.IMPORTANT TO TAKE NOTE, I have no grudges with you and I don't hate your novel or whatsoever. I came here to review, not to kiss someone's ass despite their faults.Good job so far on your first novel. Keep writing and good luck.
Currently at chapter 33/33 and it's a very good story so far. Becoming stronger actually involves hard work. The mc seems to a human with a brain. Looks very promising.
This is it...this is the book that made me have a liking to Harem...I love the way each of the female characters are not felt like they r left outLove your work Seraph🙏🏽
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