Don't stop me....i'm pouring all my stones here!Don't you dare!.....................................................................................................................................
The story is progressing smoothly with character development. Also you should add more tags that correlate to the story like kingdom buildings, city building, etc.
Just wanted to point out that the name doesn’t make sense. 😊😊😊😊🙂🙂🙂🙂🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨😕😕😕😕😕😕😕😕😤😤😤😤😤😤😤😤😤😶😶😶😶😶😶🤒🤒🤒🤒🤒🤒🤒🤒🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮
As I understand you're a beginner writer, I'll add 2 more stars to each review score, while the review part will show my actual evaluation.Writing Quality 1: Definitely the novel’s biggest weak point. I hoped it would get better later as the writer gained more experience, but close to a hundred chapters in, and it remains practically the same. The only improvement I noticed was that you no longer alternated between Qin Feng and Feng Qin.I would suggest using Grammarly and also breaking your sentences into smaller ones. Beyond that, all I can think of is for you to get an editor and/or improve your English.Stability of Updates 5: Personally, I don't like this category, as sometimes the writer needs more time to finish up a chapter, but may end up sacrificing the quality to keep the release rate, so I always give it a 5.Story Development 2: The story moves, though there are problems with fillers. Beyond that, there’s also the MC doing things that really don’t make sense.MC meets Wukong, trains once and that’s it. I don’t think he’s ever shown training again, he simply becomes OP.Group of gangster smashed his apartment, where his mother and sister live, and said they would come back the next morning. MC, who’s now capable of beating all of them by himself, simply lets them break into his home again, where his family is, before beating them.His friend —and the one helping him in his revenge— is held hostage and MC does nothing against the kidnapper.Also, the story is set on Earth, where the existence of cultivators (friars as they are called here) is unknown to the public.That’s good and all, but then MC —who had never heard of Friars before— meets Wukong and in the next few hours he: meets some woman with an extremely rare cultivation body and witnesses a battle between two friars.Then a few days later he stumbles into a trio of friars while he was getting revenge, and also witness another battle, this one so big that destroyed a building in the middle of the city.It just seems impossible that their existences were really kept hidden for so long and still are.Character Design 1: Characters barely have any depth to them, being mostly copies of one another.Male characters are arrogant douchebags, who only know to abuse their power/wealth. Also they, and only they, feel the need for sex.Female characters exist either to engage in sex with the arrogant douchebags or to almost being raped by them so that MC can come to their rescue.Maybe one or other character isn’t such a copy, but they still lack any depth to them.World Background 2: Again, the story is set on Earth with a secret cultivator society. We are shown a few glimpses into this cultivator world, but that’s it.Review score (1+5+2+1+2)/5 = 2.2 Score given = (3+5+4+3+4)/5 = 3.8
I found little to no typos. The writing is clear and easy to understand.The world is interesting, there is a sense of discovery.The characters feel real. There is clear character development that I hope to see even more of in the future.I found the story to be engaging and fun. There is a certain amount of suspense that keeps me on edge and wanting for the next chapter.The chapters could be a bit longer.All in all, I'd definitely suggest anyone who likes this genre to give this story a try.
It's a really great story that elevates the genre of a system in real-life and the VR game to a higher level. The only bad thing about the story is that the MC doesn't have any supporting cast yet, so it's a bit boring to read the MC's thoughts and actions, there needs to be a little romance or comradery with others. But the story is still new so it might come up in future chapters.
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