I like reading novels like watching a movie. Small details about the color of clothes, culture, times, climate etc will greatly help me digest a written story.
Maybe I'm in a hurry, hopefully the next chapters can be found such amazing details
Are you looking for inspiration? You might want to check out our Prompts Writing contest! Apocalypse, Isekai, LitRPG... Follow the three provided prompts and take the chance to win up to $2,000! Please Google 70daysthemedwritingchallenge to find out more!
This contest is free entry and open to any writer at any country. If you had any query, please feel free to contact litrpgwritingcontest_review@hotmail.com
Good day for writing! If you wanted to see whether you can get paid by distributing the current work or getting financial support by writing new work, you might want to contact geekyteddyyo@gmail.com. A brief introduction, some sample charpters or links will be appriciated when reaching out.
Do you know there is a LitRPG writing contest? You might be a competitive participant and take the chance to win up to $3,000! Please Google LUTAW_writing_contest or Supreme Me Fiction Writing Contest to find out more!
Alright, let me start off with some deserved praise. The story is good, I almost got hooked to it. The plot is heading in a very interesting way, and you did a good job building a not-so-cliche background of the protagonist/s. The pacing is good, each chapter gets you somewhere. The humor in this novel is also just right beside my taste.
HOWEVER,
the character design is too forced, the way they converse is too robotic and stiff. They have no feelings at all, the mc can even be considered as a repugnant douche with how he deals with things, although I don't particularly hate that kind of mc.
The world building is too poor. The details are absolutely non-existent. Up until now, I have no idea what the mc looks like, that Jessica girl, and that Golden boy. Like, they just exist there, they do not have a single spoon of appearance or expression.
And to top it all, the grammar is not even on an average level. There are too many newbie mistakes even in the synopsis itself. Let's take the scene where Jessica was being dramatic in front of the mc:
"In the first moment she tried to resist, and even landed a few punches and slaps in his body. But after seeing that struggling was futile, she just accepted the facts and enjoyed the moment."
How the f*ck can you punch and slap 'IN' someone's body.
Using a little common sense would surely fix that problem, but that's not the point.
Anyway, that's it for my review.
IMPORTANT TO TAKE NOTE, I have no grudges with you and I don't hate your novel or whatsoever. I came here to review, not to kiss someone's ass despite their faults.
Good job so far on your first novel. Keep writing and good luck.
It’s interesting so far. There were a few grammar issues that were noticeable in chapters 3-5 that you could improve. Other than that the story progresses nicely. I’m more of a romance reader but I still enjoyed reading this novel. The chapters are short but feel right to the point. Good job and keep improving and it’ll be even better.
Popular Reviews
Maybe I'm in a hurry, hopefully the next chapters can be found such amazing details
Are you looking for inspiration? You might want to check out our Prompts Writing contest! Apocalypse, Isekai, LitRPG... Follow the three provided prompts and take the chance to win up to $2,000! Please Google 70daysthemedwritingchallenge to find out more!
This contest is free entry and open to any writer at any country. If you had any query, please feel free to contact litrpgwritingcontest_review@hotmail.com
Good luck for writing!
Good day for writing! If you wanted to see whether you can get paid by distributing the current work or getting financial support by writing new work, you might want to contact geekyteddyyo@gmail.com. A brief introduction, some sample charpters or links will be appriciated when reaching out.
Do you know there is a LitRPG writing contest? You might be a competitive participant and take the chance to win up to $3,000! Please Google LUTAW_writing_contest or Supreme Me Fiction Writing Contest to find out more!
HOWEVER,
the character design is too forced, the way they converse is too robotic and stiff. They have no feelings at all, the mc can even be considered as a repugnant douche with how he deals with things, although I don't particularly hate that kind of mc.
The world building is too poor. The details are absolutely non-existent. Up until now, I have no idea what the mc looks like, that Jessica girl, and that Golden boy. Like, they just exist there, they do not have a single spoon of appearance or expression.
And to top it all, the grammar is not even on an average level. There are too many newbie mistakes even in the synopsis itself. Let's take the scene where Jessica was being dramatic in front of the mc:
"In the first moment she tried to resist, and even landed a few punches and slaps in his body. But after seeing that struggling was futile, she just accepted the facts and enjoyed the moment."
How the f*ck can you punch and slap 'IN' someone's body.
Using a little common sense would surely fix that problem, but that's not the point.
Anyway, that's it for my review.
IMPORTANT TO TAKE NOTE, I have no grudges with you and I don't hate your novel or whatsoever. I came here to review, not to kiss someone's ass despite their faults.
Good job so far on your first novel. Keep writing and good luck.
Goood
.
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