Football-Ballon d'or or die [Gacha System]

The story is very good, the rhythm worries me a little I would like to see more the part in which he becomes professional goes to the base of a team and everything else, makes the story more dynamic and holds the reader with situations that he is familiar, but the story so far is very good and with potential.

The author is a cool dude, he did a good job on the content of the book and created something that can be read with pleasure. I can only wish you good luck and hope for new chapters

Okay, I read some chapters but for some reason, I cannot establish a clue about what your story is really about.

TLDR, here are my strengths and weaknesses for your novel.

Strengths: Unique genre. Good representation of the premise.

Weaknesses: No knowledge of plot structure. Lack of description of what the story is all about along with scenes.

I know for a fact that this novel falls under the sports genre, so I was expecting fast-paced action scenes of the players or something similar. I didn’t see any of it in the first chapter.

I suggest describing the scenes (for example, describe the office’s appearance) and adding context to your chapters. When making chapters, there needs to be an objective of what you are trying to portray to the audience.

You need to convince people to read your book.

I tried to understand some characters, like Jeff, for example being the boss, but for some reason I cannot flip the page because I keep reading scenes without any context of what it is all about.

Also, please improve your book title, so I can have a clear picture of what your book stands for.

I appreciate your desire to represent the world of sports in novels, but for now I just can’t read the rest of it because of it lacking a clear foundation of what it is about.

But you shouldn’t give up. Sports isn’t my thing, but knowing you want to represent it through your novel is making me want to read more. That is, if you revamp/rewrite your book.

Good luck on your writing journey by the way, and feel free to message me in the forums should you have any questions.

Sometimes the world revolves for a new day just for you, for you to be happy and be faithful. We are gifted to know that fact, nothing will never reach its fulfillment unless you accept this fact. (this is just a random rambling)

I like your dialogue style. Im a bit jealous of how easy it is to read your work, but yeah. Hopefully it just keeps getting better.

This book draws you in with its richly drawn characters, whose conversations deeply echo the real-life challenges found within corporate corridors. Each dialogue is not only believable but also strikes a chord, highlighting the complexities and emotional undertones of professional life.

Adding a layer of emotional depth through the exploration of the characters' unfulfilled aspirations, like the poignant longing to have pursued a career as a professional athlete, would have provided an even more nuanced and compelling narrative.

The text is beautifully written, with impeccable grammar that facilitates an effortless and engaging read. The writing's clarity and rhythm make it easy to dive deep into the characters' stories, fostering a stronger emotional bond with the reader.

My honest review, you have a very good style, especially for the dialogues, they are fluid and believable (more than mine I'm afraid), good grammar and the general style is easy to read, pleasant, without long paragraphs or unnecessary descriptions.

However, in the development of the story there is a lack of bait to hook the reader. Beyond the introduction of the character, the first chapters have the reader a little lost as to where the story is going.

Likewise, since they are well written, I recommend that you make a prologue with the important moment or the twist that keeps the reader's attention.

Oh.
It's a sports novel.
never mind.
nobody ever remembers this type.
After a day or two, they can't even recall the name.
Which pretty much puts Sports at the bottom of the reading list.