the start screams beginner writer
so you should fix that
and also I recommend talking about a topic for longer than:
1chpt back in time
2chpt meeting......
3chpt attending.....
4chpt reaching .......
5chpt meeting betrayer
6chpt revenge
7chpt going back
It's early in the story to write reviews, but it's also happening quickly.
The story seems interesting, maybe like a cliche start but I have a feeling that you are a beginner at writing.
The fights were nice, simple, not too long and you didn't include unnecessary long dialogs.
You should definitely improve character design, what are Leyce, Kagusuchi Akane and that guy from academy like, what do they look like etc (same goes to the world where he is, but also his old world).
Besides that, everything seems fine so far, I really hope that the story will have some interesting plots to it.
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so you should fix that
and also I recommend talking about a topic for longer than:
1chpt back in time
2chpt meeting......
3chpt attending.....
4chpt reaching .......
5chpt meeting betrayer
6chpt revenge
7chpt going back
The story seems interesting, maybe like a cliche start but I have a feeling that you are a beginner at writing.
The fights were nice, simple, not too long and you didn't include unnecessary long dialogs.
You should definitely improve character design, what are Leyce, Kagusuchi Akane and that guy from academy like, what do they look like etc (same goes to the world where he is, but also his old world).
Besides that, everything seems fine so far, I really hope that the story will have some interesting plots to it.