The internal struggle in Ryo's mind is the highlight of this story. From what he went through during his adolescence up to when he was already an ex yakuza was so realistically laid out that I could practically perceive the pain he's going through. It gives us a feeling it can happen to any of us. That guilty struggle to right the wrong of the past but still ending up choosing an inescapable path of deceit really hits the spot. We've got a real marvel of a storyteller here. Great job, author! This one can potentially become a big scifi hit someday, so good luck
Great work! I enjoyed reading Ryo's backstory. It reminded me of a movie I've watched called "A Silent Voice" where the main character also bullies a new student and regrets it later on. I look forward to seeing how Ryo will (or will not) learn from his mistakes during the Aries mission with Sez.
Some suggestions for the intro:
- You could specify what exactly makes the alien species significantly better than humans. From what I've read, my understanding was because they want to do their best in everything and that they treasure their results, but don't humans do the same as well? Humans are capable of having a passionate mindset but make mistakes. Maybe you can add more explanation as to how aliens never make mistakes.
- You could remove the part about how they changed the currency (how the nickel is now a penny, a dime is a nickel, etc). I thought it was confusing and unnecessary
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Great work.
The Grammer can be improved.
plus the story line is interesting.
work more on your chapters.
Good day for writing! If you wanted to see whether you can get paid by distributing the current work or getting financial support by writing new work, you might want to contact geekyteddyyo@gmail.com. A brief introduction, some sample chapters or links will be appreciated when reaching out.
It might be very tough to write a review after reading only 5 chapters, but the story is overall really good so far, but not the best. I give only gave 5 stars for Sumire because she seems so much more interesting than Ryo! Ryo is a very complicated character that really reminds me of my childhood of being told what to do. How the Aries world was created still isn't clear though, I'm a bit confused why and what the methods used were. But I like how you integrated futuristic Japan with a fictional world. Also, you post chapters like every 2-3 days, maybe once every week would be fine. I am very excited to see what's next!! [img=recommend]
Popular Reviews
Some suggestions for the intro:
- You could specify what exactly makes the alien species significantly better than humans. From what I've read, my understanding was because they want to do their best in everything and that they treasure their results, but don't humans do the same as well? Humans are capable of having a passionate mindset but make mistakes. Maybe you can add more explanation as to how aliens never make mistakes.
- You could remove the part about how they changed the currency (how the nickel is now a penny, a dime is a nickel, etc). I thought it was confusing and unnecessary
Great work.
The Grammer can be improved.
plus the story line is interesting.
work more on your chapters.
Good day for writing! If you wanted to see whether you can get paid by distributing the current work or getting financial support by writing new work, you might want to contact geekyteddyyo@gmail.com. A brief introduction, some sample chapters or links will be appreciated when reaching out.